Hello Goodbye
by Leah Holmes
Summary: After the Beatles break up, Paul seeks out John to ask for one more chance at love. John, on the other hand, has made a life for himself in New York with Yoko. McLennon. (NOT ATU)


Paul stands in front of the Dakota building in New York alone and unannounced. Rain pours down on his head and face, blurring his vision. The taxi had dropped the bassist off a few minutes ago, but he hasn't made any moves toward the large doors that illuminated the courtyard of the apartment complex. Everything about the space reeks of John Lennon, it brought security to his former band mate.

"_Love you, little man," John whispers in Paul's ear as he passes him backstage. Paul smiles to himself and continues to pack up his bass, stealing looks at his lover._

Just as he was pulling up, Paul sees John walk into the sheltered space, hand in hand with Yoko. Unlike what he had expected, John looks happy. The man seems healthy and lively, not at all what he was only three years ago. It is relieving, yet puzzling at the same time. What has Yoko done that Paul hadn't?

_Paul kisses John lightly on the lips behind the closed door of the bathroom. Both of them have white fluffy shaving cream covering their faces and a razor in hand. John lifts his to Paul's cheek and drags it gently to his jaw, removing the thick black hairs from his skin._

John glances over his shoulder to Paul, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. Paul raises his hand in a small wave. The man doesn't respond or move, just stands there looking at his past love.

The rain soaks through to his skin and the thick overcoat is proved useless against the storm. Puddles have formed around his feet and the raindrops splatter the only spots of dry pavement.

John squints, his face becoming streaked with water. Yoko is looking around awkwardly, trying to find out what is holding her husband's attention. That's when he sees him. Paul James McCartney, whom he hasn't seen in years and years, is standing across the courtyard from him.

What does he expect? A tearful, joyous reunion? Who is he joking? John freezes and pretends to listen to Yoko's babbling as his mind reels for something, anything, to do. He can't just ignore him – it's Paul! But at the same time, he's with Yoko. She knows nearly every detail about their relationship, even the deep, private moments that made John's eyes water.

"Father?" Yoko says, still tightly clutching John's hand. The man snaps from his state of disillusion to where his wife is pointing, and sure enough, it's at Paul.

John stiffens his back and readjusts the umbrella in his hand over them both. "Yes, mother?"

"Is that Paul?" she asks in her timid voice. John can almost feel the confusion radiating from her.

_In the quiet and safety of their hotel room, John and Paul sit side by side overlooking the city before them. The dull roar of the fans below do little to ruin their evening, nor do the constant knocks at their door by Brian, insisting that they go to bed early for their early interviews. Of course, they ignore him._

_John has his arm looped around Paul's shoulders while they sit in comfortable silence. There isn't a place either of them would rather be. Well, that's the case for Paul. John would do anything to be back in the mother country with Yoko. _

Paul sees John beckon him over, and without his command, his feet move towards him. He feels dizzy and sick with extreme anxiety and this only intensifies when he's standing directly in front of John.

Oh, _John_. He looks like he's aged twenty years since Paul last saw him. Those eyes, once full of laughter, are now dull. His face looks ragged, like he'd spent about a year too long in the sun. His hair, oh his hair, is no longer in the mop top that Paul had always tried so hard to match perfectly. It's upsetting, really, to see how his John is no longer.

"What are you doing here?" John asks out of the blue. Paul notes Yoko hovering behind John, as if she's afraid of him.

Paul shrugs. "I have a meeting with an executive tomorrow and I thought I'd drop by." The fact that he's soaked is irrelevant right now, only that his vision is blurring from what he hopes isn't tears.

John shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. "I suggest you go enjoy the city then and excuse us. We've got reservations for dinner in thirty minutes."

"_I can't do this anymore, Paul," John says in a monotone voice. This moment had to be seen from a mile away, so he can't imagine why his now ex-lover is on the verge of tears. _

_Paul reaches for John's hand, fingers shaking. "I – I don't understand, John. What – why?"_

_John doesn't feel he needs a reason. In short, he'd fallen deeply, madly in love with Yoko and the air of mystery that accompanies her. He knows every inch of Paul's body, his mind, and his past while Yoko remains the biggest puzzle he'd yet to counter. _

Paul's spirit immediately dampens. What had he been expecting, really? John is no longer his John. The past is the past and there's no use trying to revisit it, no matter how one goes about it. He's forever going to be a past love, an experiment gone wrong, for John; for Paul, he would be a first, a companion, as close to a true love as he believes one can get. Their pasts are intertwined while their presents and futures remain separate.

"I just wanted to say hello," Paul says, suddenly very thankful for the rain to hide his tears. The heartbreak feels worse the second time around. "So, hello."

John flinches at his words, unintentionally or not. "Hello, Paul."

Before John can say anything else to further shatter his heart, Paul turns to leave. As he walks back, rain pouring without fail, he starts to pull himself together.

John Lennon will always be a part of him, no matter what. There's no erasing the past, just building and reworking the future. John may have wanted to forget the chapters of his life that involved being in an intimate, special relationship with a man, but Paul wants to forever cherish them. He refuses to forget.

_**John,**_

_**On this December 8, 1980, I just wanted to wish you a happy life. I wish nothing but the best for you, too. **_

_**I have this sinking feeling that this will be the last time I'll be able to reach out to you so therefore, this is the last time I can say:**_

_**Enjoy your life, your kids, and your wife and continue to make the spectacular music that you're so well known for.**_

_**Think about me every once in a while, okay? **_

_**Sincerely, Paul**_


End file.
